Totally Naked Lager

New Glarus Brewing Company
New Glarus, Wisconsin

APPEARANCE: 2.25/3
Straw gold color, thin white head that laces. Crystal clear, steady bubbles.

AROMA: 3.25/4
Sweet cream, apple juice, totally clean. Classic lager, no hop.

TASTE: 8/10
Hop/Malt Balance: 3.25/4: Sweet corn, clean. No hop flavors, malt dominant. Apropos for a pils.
Aftertaste: 2.5/3: Nice subtle bitter finish, slight hop bitterness—sweetness there as well.
Mouth-Feel: 2.25/3: Nice body, effervescent, and again, clean.


OVERALL: 2.5/3: The quinessential lager—so clean it should be sponsored by Ivory. A definite lawnmower beer, reminds us of Boulevard Pils.


TOTAL: 16/20–Pour Me Another


NOTES:
Matt: The cleanest beer I've ever had—Mr. Clean should be on the label, it's so clean. Mr. Beer, Mr. Beer, Mr. Beer…(I like it).
Ben: Clean, crisp, refreshing. A summer beer for sure. I'd put this and Boulevard Pilsner up as better alternatives to the big boys.

Samuel Adams Boston Lager

Boston Brewing Company
Boston, Massachusetts

APPEARANCE: 2/3
Dark gold color, clear. Thin, white head that rings the glass.

AROMA: 2.25/4
Sweet, clean nose. Slightly corny. No hop aroma, smells like a lager.

TASTE: 4.5/10

Hop/Malt Balance: 2.5/4: Caramel, candy corn, nutty-almond. Flavor fades quickly.
Aftertaste: 1/3: Metallic, bitter aftertaste. Astringent, perhaps chemical. Weird.
Mouth-Feel: 1/3: Thin, watery, coats the tongue.

OVERALL: 1/3: Why in the world would anybody buy this? BBC is a large scale brewer masquerading as a craft brewer. We would sooner drink any of the 100+ beers we've reviewed—even the abyssmal Walgreens Big Flats—than this (mostly on principle alone, but at least in part because it's a crummy beer).

TOTAL: 9.75/20–Anything Else On Tap?

NOTES:
Matt: Craft beer? I don't think so. Macro-brew, but also terrible. Nobody should pay money for this.
Ben: I didn't like this before we reviewed this, and I don't like it now. There are many, many, MANY better beers out there.

Big Flats Lager Beer

Brewmaster's Choice
Rochester, NY

APPEARANCE: 2/3
Rocky head, big bubbles. Straw-gold color.

AROMA: 1/4
Smells like Coors Light. No hop, slight sweet straw aroma.

TASTE: 2/10
Hop/Malt Balance: 1/4: Starts sweet, sugary up-front. Corn in the middle, finishes unpleasantly bitter.
Aftertaste: .5/3: Skunk (or maybe opossum). Bitter.
Mouth-Feel: .5/3: Fizzy, watery. Astringent. Coats your tongue.

OVERALL: .5/3: $2.99 a six-pack at Walgreen's, and it tastes like it.

TOTAL: 5.5/20–Tab Me Out

NOTES:
Matt: Their slogan, "It's the water that makes it," is incomplete without the word "suck" at the end. avoid this beer at all costs.
Ben: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. To be used for cooking brats, if at all.

Great Divide Hoss Rye Lager

Great Divide Brewing Company
Denver, Colorado

APPEARANCE: 2.5/3
Nice copper color, very clear.

AROMA: 3/4
Almost no aroma, but true to the rye (and lager, I guess) style.

TASTE: 7.5/10
Hop/Malt Balance: 3/4: Very malty, very little hop–could be maltier.
Aftertaste: 2/3: Some lingering bitterness, sour at the front end. Cherry notes. Slightly astringent.
Mouth-Feel: 2.5/3: Malty, sweet, slightly sour, dry at close.

OVERALL: 2.25/3: A crisp lager; the rye is subtle but present.

TOTAL: 15.75/20–Pour Me Another

NOTES:
Matt: Good, but not spectacular–I was expecting something more. Slightly more interesting than your everyday lager.
Ben: A good beer–I'd buy a six.

Wild Blue Blueberry Lager

Blue Dog Brewery
Baldwinsville, New York

APPEARANCE: 2/3
White head, weak but persistent. Purple hue.

AROMA: 2/4
Welch's cran-grape juice. No hop aroma.

TASTE: 3/10

• Hop/Malt Balance: 1/4: No malt or hop to speak of.
  
• Aftertaste: 1/3: Blueberry/grape syrup flavor overwhelms.
  
• Mouth-Feel: 1/3: Watery, fades quickly (blessedly).

OVERALL: 1/3
Bud Light + syrup = Wild Blue = wine cooler beer for high school girls.

TOTAL: 8/20–Tab Me Out

NOTES:
Matt: If you're thirsty for beer, drink beer. If you're thirsty for a Capri-Sun, drink a Capri-Sun. Either way, don't drink this.
Ben: Feels like I'm drinking my morning grape juice. Pass.